A letter to fate
by pyroangel7
Summary: One-Shot Kagome has been pulled back into her time. The well no longer transports her to the Sengoku Jidai. No Naraku; No Inuyasha...all her connections to the past are severed. Her frustrations take the form of a letter to Lady Fate.


It took me an entire week to realize that no many how many times I jump into the well, that familiar blue light won't take me back to the Segoku Jidai.

With a grudging hand I finally decided to put pen to paper and let the frustration that has been building up have an outlet. I was told by my tutor it will be a good exercise in my literary progress.

_I dedicate this letter to my constant menace, milady Fate. My life was happy, blissful, and absolutely lackluster. I spent the first 15 years of my life on Sunset Shrine in Japan blissfully unaware that I was a descendant of a Legendary Priestess called Kikyo. Apparently we kind of look alike too but that's beside the point. You milady thought to spice up my dull life by having mythological creatures invade my life. _

I did feel a little better. Not sure to whom I'd send this to but it felt good to take the anger out of my mind even if it's on college ruled notebook paper. As long at the fury isn't rolling around in my mind I didn't have to dwell on it and be all pissy.

_HOW DARE YOU?!?_

_After many fights, tears, and loves, I was finally back to the blissful state that was so thoroughly ripped away from me the first time. Did you care that if I was any stronger a person, I would have had the determination to commit suicide and your whole plan would've been mucked up from the start? Did you dare try this stunt on anyone else in my family tree? Why the hell was I so SPECIAL that my paltry existence could not just be another brick in the wall? I deter…_

I was furious and the deluge of tears wouldn't stop no matter how hard I tried. Remembering the fights, the near death experiences, the losses of friends, made the fury double, no triple. I saw smiling friends laugh around the campfires and then bloodied and comatose the next day. The gory images are easier to deal with now; I was desensitized by the constancy of battle. My humor is very morbid today and my physical scars have faded thanks to modern technology but the memories are still as vivid as ever.

I remember Kaede's village was deathly still upon our return from one of our last shard hunting trips. Kaede's young apprentice ran up to us then bowed deeply. We not understanding and Inuyasha not willing to tell me, he already smelled death in the air, made me fear the worst. My biggest fear was never returning home. As much as I love my impromptu family, I remember who's been toughing it out with me. Mama, ji-chan, and Souta have loved me unconditionally and they don't ask questions, and don't ask me for explanations. I promised Mama I would do whatever it takes to get home. And I even had a few backup plans. (I would've asked Lord Sesshoumaru to revive me whenever I died for the next five hundred years, then on the day that I didn't return, I would show up. Probably old and decrepit but I'll have a proper good bye. Or I would've studied which youkai can convert humans to hanyou or even to full youkai. But I would've waited for that proper good bye.) As I expected the Bone Eater's Well to be crushed and sealed I happened upon the funeral instead. The sight of my dear Kaede, still and lifeless on the pyre, broke forth a dam of tears and hysteria. I'm an even keel kind of girl but two and a half years of near constant fighting compared to fifteen previous ones of utter Utopia is a shock to anyone. I still mourn her loss today. Kaede was patient and caring in everything she did. Her hands were quick to protect; her mouth always had a quick witted barb; her eyes always had a wicked gleam, like some prank was about to be played; the few times we had such encouraging conversations…I can't even think about her without crying.

_Today I take the time to tell you that my life has been enriched by these wonderful people but it came at the cost of my innocence. I gave my youth and my early adulthood to play out your game. Did any of us deserve this? My trust in my best friend has saved us but now I am alone. I can still remember that last day before the dreaded final battle with Naraku I was blissful. I had every facet of myself filled to the brim. I did not lack family; I have Miroku and Sango for siblings. I was a mother; my little Shippo was learning and growing. I had a tutor; Sesshoumaru is a fountain of knowledge that's not even including his vast library. I was understood and accepted by my best friend Inuyasha. I had a pet, Kirara. You took away my grandmother, Kaede. _

_Then you took it ALL away. After making that oh so "unselfish wish" I was dragged back to my time. There wasn't a moment to say goodbye to my loving family. Not a moment to kiss my little fox on the head or pet his tail. Not a moment to embrace my brother and sister. Not a single chance to see the freedom we all fought for, Kagura and Kanna and Kohaku especially. Not a single chance to hold my best friend. One second I was looking around a barren war torn battlefield and the next I am under the Goshinboku Tree. It's been two and a half years!! Am I supposed to pretend it never happened? Was this field trip supposed to leave no impact on my psyche? I spent my life with these people and bled for this honor. How could you rip it all away?!?!_

I remember the little details of my unofficial family I see a strong woman, with brown hair, chocolate eyes, and a killer right hook *snicker* my sister, Sango. My brother, Miroku, he would be handsome, with a short black dragon's tail and wicked purple eyes, if he could control his wandering hands and the fact that he is a complete pervert. He's a good match for my sister; chivalrous in every aspect but in lust and then my sister can take out her anger on someone durable. I will never forget my eternally patient teacher, Lord Sessoumaru of the Western Lands. Kouga, my constant protector and older brother, though he'll never admit it. Kagura, Kanna, and Kohaku had become allies in the face of the hated Naraku. My throat tightens every time I think of him, Shippo, my child. I wanted to love and protect and watch him grow up and fall in love and marry…hell I can't even think about him without ripping open my heart.

My best friend, Inuyasha, is a handful and our love is complicated. I'm not sure if I love him more for being a bluntly honest jackass or for constantly saving my dumb one. All I know is that I love him; I know that it can't be completely romantic. We've tried that path already, it didn't work, but he taught me to defend myself, to fight, to hunt, and to take care of a camp. He's provided for me on a constant basis and I'm rarely ever let down by my…I'm not even sure how to refer to him. Lover? At one point he was but not now. Husband? We saw that future and didn't prefer that outcome. Friend? That seems to be to light of a category. Brother? No, he is more to me than that. All I can call him is my Partner. And all I can think of is two cops assigned to watch out for each other. But that could be about right. We are were policing Japan in the Feudal Era and I play the good cop and he plays the bad cop.

_I'm taking the entire summer to bring my grades up so that I'm not held back from the rest of my class. I am very fortunate that I had Sesshoumaru for a tutor, but the only thing I can do correctly is arithmetic and history. All the other courses are new to me because science, language, and literature have changed vastly over the last five hundred yeas. Do you have any inkling of the irreparable damage you have caused me milady? Do you care? My family has changed; I have changed and no amount of pretending will ever mold me back to what I was…_

The mother I remember isn't the mother I came home to. My mother accepted the proposal of a man who loves her, but on the condition that I approve of this man. This was six moths ago and I have yet to meet him. My baby brother, whom I tried so hard to keep safe from the perils of the past, has grown up. The preteen obsessed with video games has been replaced by a teenager obsessed with girls. His current obsession is named Keiko, a sweet but much older girl who works at the video store he frequents.

_Milady, I won your game. What is my prize? _

Tomorrow I get to start catching up on all that I've missed. I can face a battlefield of youkai and be cool headed and ready but to face other humans and I'm petrified beyond belief…

_Yours truly, _

_Kagome Higurashi_


End file.
